We had worked together for more than 20 years. I knew her better than most, and the same was true of me for her.
So when she confided in me about her struggles with anxiety, I immediately shifted into “support mode.” I listened. I offered tissues. And – because I’m human – I also offered my thoughts, my ideas, and probably more advice than anyone would want.
It was only later that I realized something important:
I had slipped across the line from manager into something resembling therapist.
Not on purpose, not out of ego, just out of care.
Many leaders do this without realizing it. Mental health affects performance, connection, communication, and morale. And when someone trusts you, it feels natural to want to help beyond the boundaries of your role. But that’s where things get murky.
So where is the line, exactly?
What's Reasonably in Bounds for Managers
It’s absolutely appropriate to:
- Be empathetic and present when someone is struggling.
- Ask how they’re doing and genuinely care about the answer.
- Offer flexibility or adjustments when work is impacted.
- Encourage open communication and create a culture of psychological safety.
- Focus conversations on behaviors, workload, and realistic support you can provide.
These are all part of modern leadership – and frankly, part of being a decent human being.
Where Managers Cross into Therapist Land
The line usually gets crossed when we:
- Try to diagnose, label, or interpret someone’s emotional state.
- Become their primary emotional outlet for deeply personal issues.
- Dive too far into non-work topics – like family conflict, trauma, relationships, etc.
- Try to solve or fix problems we’re not qualified to handle.
- Keep “confidential” any emotional disclosures that should be elevated due to safety or risk concerns.
How You Know It's Time to Pivot
Ask yourself:
- Am I feeling responsible for their emotional well-being?
- Is this conversation more about their life than their work?
- Am I giving personal advice instead of workplace support?
- Do I feel drained afterward?
If the answer is yes, it’s time to shift gears.
How to Be A Supportive Manager Without Being a Therapist
You can still show care—just within scope:
- “I’m really glad you shared that with me. I want to support you, but I’m not the right person to help with everything you’re carrying.”
- Redirect to appropriate resources – EAP, mental health professionals, HR support.
- Bring the focus back to work: “How is this affecting your workload, and what adjustments would be helpful?”
- Maintain warmth and professionalism without absorbing responsibility for their emotional state.
The Bottom Line: 3 Things to Remember
- You can care about your employees deeply without becoming their counselor.
- You can be empathetic without taking on their emotional processing.
- You can support mental health while staying firmly rooted in your role as a leader – not a therapist.
It’s not about shutting people down. It’s about supporting them in the right way, at the right time, and with the right boundaries.
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Need Help Equipping Your Leaders?
If your managers are struggling to navigate mental health conversations – or you want to build a culture where empathy and boundaries coexist beautifully – our consulting team can help.
Foundations Consulting offers leadership training, manager coaching, policy development, and tailored guidance to ensure your organization supports employees in a healthy, sustainable way at all employee experience touchpoints.