“Four months ago, on a Friday, you disagreed with the approach I suggested regarding our HR policies. I spent that weekend walking in the woods, reflecting on your commitment and future with the organization. So, let’s discuss that now.”
Wait. Four months ago?
To make matters worse, I had no idea what he was referring to. And honestly, I couldn't understand why a brief exchange about HR policies had led to a weekend of woodland soul-searching.
I was confused, frustrated, and honestly, a little ambushed. Whether or not my comment was off base, his feedback felt completely out of left field…and long past its expiration date.
There was no way for me to explain, reflect, or correct course in a meaningful way.
That's the danger of untimely feedback.
Feedback, whether positive or critical, is most effective when it’s delivered promptly. When a leader genuinely wants to support growth and development, timely communication allows the individual to reflect, adjust, and move forward. It becomes a conversation, not a surprise attack.
Here’s a simple framework I follow when giving feedback. You can tailor it depending on the context and type of feedback (positive reinforcement or constructive correction):
Start by stating your purpose. For example:
“I’m giving you this feedback because I want you to be successful.”
This helps frame the feedback constructively. Jumping straight to the critique without clarifying your intent - especially if it’s not positive - can make the other person defensive.
Describe the specific behavior or action and the impact it had.
Be clear and objective. Include examples to make it real. And explain how the behavior affected others such as teammates, customers, results, etc.
Clarify what’s expected moving forward. If it’s corrective feedback, outline what needs to change and the potential consequences if it doesn’t.
If it’s positive, reinforce the value of the behavior and its impact - and don’t forget to say thank you.
Bottom line? Don’t be a Jerry.
If he had shared his concerns that following week - while the conversation was still fresh - I would’ve had a real chance to address the issue, learn from it, and grow. Instead, I got a foggy memory and a vague reprimand months too late.
Give feedback when it matters most: in the moment.
Otherwise… you might end up as a cautionary tale in someone’s blog someday.